Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
