My first STD was from a foam party
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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