i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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