Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
