her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
