RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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