I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize