So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
