Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
