I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You're like the curious george of whores
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize