She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
bring money and cleavage
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
