Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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