Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
