i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize