At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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