One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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