...so i touched it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
