Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
