Sacagawea was the original milf.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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