Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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