And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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