billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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