you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
NoShamevember. You game?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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