Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
