You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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