I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
