happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
