ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
