Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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