I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize