i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize