there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
