fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
