Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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