I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
