five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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