Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
