There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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