someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
