apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
