just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
