Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
