He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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