You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
