We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
