i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
