hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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