i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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