He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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