It was confusing and full of hummus
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
