moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
