Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
