She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
