i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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