Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
