I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
