Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
