Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
