you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
