when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize