all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
