took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
