i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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