we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
