can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
