R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
