can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
