I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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