i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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