I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
