How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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