am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
