I think my vagina is haunted
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
