can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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