You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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