ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
