i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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