im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
