Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
