I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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