i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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