Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Im part way to drunk.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
