When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
