I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
