dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
