bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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