I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
