Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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