i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
