I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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