stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
