The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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