ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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