Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize