I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
