I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
