someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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