That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize