Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
