he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
