Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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