Soap is not a condiment
I don't think brook has ever known best
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
